A Commercial interrupts their mediations, sleep, or even their work: Pastor Pizzaro.
The players are contacted by R. F. Singh, a rat like man, via a DVD prone to skipping. R. F. informs them that someone is manipulating the consensus directly in a shortsighted and clumsy manner. Another investigator has been sent, but is now showing up in cat food commercials.
A commercial is played: The Cat’s Meow Cat Food.
The stress seems centered in Irvine, California where a research center is. The heroes are sent to investigate the Motivational Research Center (MRC), owner by Metro Galactic Media Gargantuan (MGMG).
A commercial is played: Dr. Laser.
The heroes meet Dr. Horace Wimpy and are given a tour of the MRC. Being magi, they are dragged into the Medium. Their first location is feedback city. There is then a cut scene where Horace Wimpy is trying to explain the strangeness to the Head of MGMG, a Syndicate Technocrat named Mr. Concertina. Mr. Concertina sends a bunch of Hit Marks after our heroes and personally tries to figure out what is making the Medium behave so strange.
An episode of the brand new kids show, the Digital Dentist, is played.
Our heroes now find themselves watching the TV in the Astral Bar & Grill where they meet Monet, the Oracle that sent R. F. Monet tells them that the situation is worsening as the Medium has created a conduit from the Waking world into the land of dreams. Nephandi have noticed the disruption and are attempted to use the build a conduit from the void to the nightmare lands that border the dreamlands to infiltrate the Waking world.
Meanwhile the Medium is caught in a feedback loop between the viewers and the media, and is making shows with a lower and lower common denominator. The must travel through these and destroy the spirit form of the Medium. If they cannot do this quickly, either the Nephandi will bridge in mass to the waking world or a Technocratic reality engineer will discover just what The Medium is capable of. Destroying the Spirit form will make this technology never work again in the waking world.
An advertisement for Se7en: The Animated Series on Coyote Kids Saturday Morning is shown. White Fowl cigars sponsor the show.
Pass one player a note that says "When the playback device skips, perhaps you should hit it." Pass a second player a note that says "If the device keeps skipping, hit it harder." Pass a third player a note that says "When Singh says 'we are doomed' and the player is skipping, shoot the player.
When the script says [skip], keep repeating the word before it including all inflection - like a skipping record.
Read
Our exiled masters are disturbed by a great breach in the gauntlet and perhaps even the horizon. One of our spies at a technocracy research center reported a new device at a small technocratic construct called the Motivational Research Center in Irvine. It is generating strange realities that only the awakened can see. It will drive the awakened mad [skip] with its visions if it is not stopped. We have already lost [skip] one agent, Professor Langstrom of the Aetherials already. The Masters suspect that the Technocracy has found a way to directly edit the consensus but don’t know they have it. Reality itself could be destroyed [skip] unless you stop the technocracy. You must investigate the research facility. There are no adept technocrat magi there yet, but we don’t know how long before the technocracy can trace the disruptions to their own facility. I have made false ID cards for you. You must hurry or we are doomed [skip]
Horace! Those people you are asking about are not from headquarters personnel! They are not from MGMG! They are… industrial spies. I will call you with further instructions. Good-bye.
Those were Tradition Magi. What are they doing at the MRC? Why are they at the MRC? How did they do such vulgar magic at our lab? Could this have something to do with those strange commercials? Could they be the ones responsible for those unauthorized programs? I will tolerate no disruptions! Not while I am being watched. Watched for any slipup. That new vice president of security is a spy. I know this. He is after my position. They must no suspect me of collusion. But I am owed favors. Many favors.
(he places a call to a friend)
Dr. Engles my friend. I have an emergency here. I need to use some of your new HIT Marks. I will send a truck to take them to a secure lab. We have some traditional problems. No! My current Chief of Security too ambitious. You understand. Thank you, my old friend.
Unlike their previous meeting where he seemed to thrum with power and purpose, here Monet looks a disheveled elderly painter with paint smears on the sleeve of his coat.
The Medium is only a machine. It has no soul on it’s own, but the technocratic scientists have put a bit of their soul into it. In a sense, it is an awakened being but not sentient.
“ Isn’t it easy to manipulate the human mind?”
“First Question: If life is a dream and your living in a dream dreaming what do you do? Answer: You Wake Up. Second Question: What is real? Answer: Belief. What do you believe in?”
“ Monet, are these people friends of yours?”
“First train tracks, strange people appeared dancing on the tables,
the sea came in and washed away the salad bar. What is up with you people?”
Magus: “I haven’t done anything!”
Ruby: “Well why not?”
“ My name is impossible to say my name with your tongue, but my frequencies approximate Marimba Mambo.”
Marimba: “Try a selection on the Jukebox.”
Magus: “Uh… what writing is this?”
Marimba: “The juke was installed by Tibetan Monks. All it plays are Tibetan
Chants. Therefore the titles are written in Tibetan.”
“The real trap the technocracy is in is that the Universe makes sense. That is why we dance.”
Magus “Why is the camel drinking my beer?”
Ruby: “why don’t you ask him?”
Magus: “Who?”
Ruby: “The Camel dummy.”
Camel: “I have one word of advice to give: Endure.”
Magus: “That’s it?”
Camel: “That’s a lot.”
The Jerk is a persistent illusion that pesters a character until overcome.
“Hey! Yer sitten im my seat. Move you butt! You’re like most women;
you try to be hard on the outside but are all soft and pink on the inside. Feel
my muscle, baby. Smell that, that’s nature’s perfume.”
Nicolai Tesla (Aetherial Scientist)
Tesla: “Some peoples thoughts are like little sticky webs – they
trap you. Others are like misty clouds. Others are like tightly woven nests
protecting little blue eggs. But Tesla’s thoughts, my thoughts, are like
Lightning! Shazaam!” Other patrons duck as lightning hits the roof of
the Bar.
Ruby: “Tesla! You know the rules, take that outside!”
A women looks at what her husband is watching: a football game on TV. He
smiles at the perfect bodies of the cheerleaders.
Husband: “Wow. Look at those tits. No lumps, no bumps. Wow. Look at that
ass. No sag, no drag.”
Women: (Whiny crying voice) “I am lumpy. I am bumpy. I am sagging. I
am dragging. What I need is… Doctor Laser!”
(Circus Music plays.)
Doctor Laser: “I am Doctor Laser. Come in, Come in! Ha-Ha.”
Women: “Doctor Laser, I am wrinkling!”
Doctor Laser: “Don’t worry my dear, I make good as new. A little
pull-pull tuck-tuck tighten-tighten snip-snip.”
Women: “Doctor Laser, I am sagging behind!”
Doctor Laser: “Don’t worry my dear, I make good as new. A little
suck-suck tuck-tuck slice-slice snip-snip.”
Women: “Doctor Laser, I have two chins!”
Doctor Laser: “Don’t worry my dear, I make good as new. Pull-pull
tuck-tuck slice-slice yank-yank snip-snip.”
Women: “Doctor Laser, my breasts are… drooping!”
Doctor Laser: “Don’t worry no one has real breasts anymore. I make
better than new. A little slice-slice pull-pull puff-puff silicone-silicone.
Ha-ha!”
Announcer: “…and when she was done, she looked pretty darn good.
So she left her jerk husband and married a millionaire named Ken in Hawaii.”
Women: (with supermodel voice) “Doctor Laser: for when you want to be
beautiful.”
The scene focuses in on a rather ragged cat. As the camera zooms in for a
close up the cat is actually Professor Langstrom in a cat costume, but the
rest of the setting is sized as if he was a normal sized cat.
Announcer: “Is your cat looking like old Boris here?”
Boris: “What? Where the hell am I?”
Announcer: “His whiskers are drooping.”
(Boris pulls on his costume whiskers)
Boris: “These things are glued hard…”
(Boris plucks a whisker out)
Boris: “Ow! Hey, these things are REAL!”
Announcer: “His ears are torn up”
(Boris feels is cat ears)
Boris: “Hey! These are marks of honor and other cats whose ass I kicked.
What am I saying?”
Announcer: “He has even lost his coat”
Boris: “I lost my coat?”
(Boris begins licking the furless places of his costume)
Announcer: “Yes, old Boris is a pretty sad looking cat.”
(Boris shakes his head, looks up at the camera)
Boris: “I am NOT going to play along with this.”
Announcer: “Old Boris hardly meows at all.”
Boris: “Nope. I am not playing along with this.”
Announcer: “But there is hope, for with new Cat’s MEOW brand cat
food, Boris can be restored”
(Boris is now a REAL cat, and looks very startled)
Boris: “Ah! I’m a cat! All right, dammit - this is NOT funny!”
(A hand places a cat foot bowl in front of Boris)
Announcer: “Yes, proud pet owners: The Cat’s MEOW brand cat food.
And what makes the Cat’s MEOW brand cat food special? Why, it’s
the MEOW. M is for Meat, real juicy meat. Meat from meaty animals. E is for
Energy to make your cat purr. O is for Owls, yes Owls that provide special
daily nutrients to make your cat healthy. And W is for Wolves, finely ground.
Boris: “That smells so gooood… .”
(Boris devours the cat food)
Announcer: “And each and every box contains an entire dead fish.”
(Boris stops devouring the food as a hand pets him.)
Boris: “All right. Damn-it. Meow. MEOW-MEOW-MEOW. Now can I get outta
here?”
Announcer: “So remember, proud pet owners: The Cat’s MEOW brand
cat food. The only cat food with finely ground wolves.”
This is Fred Newman. The society of thespian minimalists is presenting their new play: Sixteen Words in Search of a Thespian by the noted playwright, Tennessee O'Neil, in the Zen Soap Opera genre. Our author is mounting the stage, Tennessee O'Neil nods to judges, waves to the audience, and now he turns to the row of distinguished critics and gives them the finger... ah-hum. There is some laughter from the audience. Now he nods to the officials. As he types, the words will be relayed to our Thespians who will perform the work as it is written. The silence descends as the audience waits for the maestro to type his first keystroke.
Man: I
Women: Me
Man: You
Women: Me
Man: I think
Women: of me
Man: You think
Women: of me
Man: think of me
Women: I think of you
Man: I am going
Women: I am not going
Man: try not going
Women: not going to try
Man: I am still going
Women: I am still not going to try
Man: Still
Women: Still
Man: try me
Women: I try
Man: let me
Women: I let you try
Man: Not me
Women: not you
Man: let me try
Women: try me
Man: I try not to
Both: to think that I am not going to think of you anymore is still thinking
of you
Man: think of that
Women: that is still thinking
This is Pastor Pizzaro, your impressionistic pastor with another soothing sixty-second sermon. Is your electronic evangelist serving your needs? Are you able to participate properly by simply passively watching what these electric salesmen are trying to sell you? In these fast times with fast cars, fast careers, and fast food is there time for a fast pray? Ask yourself: Do I pray as often as I eat? That is why I am opening new fast food and fast pray franchises: Eat and Pray. Now the whole family can eat and pray in one convenient location. Coming soon to your neighborhood. Eat and Pray.
Hey kids! Smoke White Fowl cigars, available in fine stores that display the white rooster. White Fowl cigars are smooth and sweet! So remember kids, smoke white fowl cigars. Cocka-do-do!
Dr. DD: Do you know who I am kids?
Kids: The digital dentist!
Dr. DD: That's right! Do you know what time it is kids?
Kids: Time for Science!
Dr. DD: Yes! Today the digital dentist will explore the human mind.
Kids: Ohhh... scaaary!
Dr. DD: Yes! Like sponges are scary, or non-Euclidean math! First, we need
to find some unsuspecting sucker-- I mean subject - out there in TV land.
Kids: Yay! (one kid says: I love this show!)
Dr. DD: Aha! Here's one! What do we say to our subject, kids?
Kids: Open Wide!
Dr. DD: Yes!
Kids: Open Wider!
Dr. DD: Yes yes!
Kids: Open widest!! (distant screaming)
Dr. DD: There we go... now quickly kids, before his skull closes.
Kids: Whee!
Dr. DD: And here we are. Step carefully kids; the human mind is full of dangers.
Sticky dangers.
Kids: Ewww!
Dr. DD: Ha-ha, don't worry kids. We have our psycho-galoshes on. We can walk
through the muck of the dirtiest mind without a problem, squeesh squeesh splat.
Kids: Splat! Splat! Splat!
The Video-Disc is skipping.
Perhaps you should hit it.
The Video-Disc is still skipping.
Perhaps you should hit it harder